Wednesday, February 26, 2014

I'm Not the Girl I Thought I Was

I used to think I knew who I was.  I had strong interests and opinions that drove me throughout my teens and twenties, and was pretty certain of the type of life I would continue to lead.  I loved the person that I was, the things that I identified with, that were important to me.  And as I get farther and farther into my life, farther away from those twenty-something years, I am suddenly realizing... I am not the person I thought I was.


This will probably sound silly to most and draw judgement and criticism, but for for the first major part of my adult life, I was super into cheerleading.  I devoted most of my life to being one of the best partner stunters out there.  Everything I did, I did with this goal in mind--what I ate, how I worked out, where I practiced and who I partnered with.  Even after college, I didn’t stray far.  I coached, judged, choreographed, and pretty much figured I’d end up either starting a cheer business or working for one full time at one point or another.  Clearly this was my God given path in life.  Then, I took a “one year” break to focus on school, which has turned into a 4 year break with no signs of an ending.  See, I met this fabulous new guy who I will soon call my husband.  I had time to really cultivate relationships with my girlfriends.  I realized that perhaps the reason why my relationships hadn’t worked out in the past was because the team I was coaching was taking up my whole entire heart, and time for that matter.  Now that I see what it’s like to put your relationship first and have real friends that aren’t high schoolers, I’m not sure I’ll ever go back.  I’ll never say never, but for now, it’s not who I am anymore.  

My Sundays used to be filled with football.  Actually, a lot of days.  I fell asleep to SportsCenter most nights and even tried my hand at commissioner of our fantasy football league.  I’d watch every single play in suspense, jumping and yelling and using wild Italian hand motions I must have picked up from my mother.  I was decked from head to toe in gear and a game’s outcome could pretty much make or break my entire week.  I even called my boyfriend (a Ravens fan) sobbing in tears one time when the Steelers lost, wondering how I would get through life all year.  Truly a tragic day.  It might be due to my wiser old age, or just the fact that we had a stinky year, but I suddenly feel like football is not everything.  I actually enjoy just hanging out with friends and eating tailgate snacks regardless of who is playing or what happens during the game.  I can finally see that there will always be another week, another year, and that every team has it’s time.  Football, like life, goes through ups and downs, and it is nothing to get all upset over.  So, I used to be a hardcore football girl, but it’s not who I am anymore.

For the longest time, I didn’t like kids.  I thought they were annoying and needy, and babies?  Definitely hated ‘em.  Slobbery, poopy, ick.  Then my cousin had a daughter, and I decided that she was actually cute.  Ok, I liked one baby, but just that one.  Then she got older and became a kid and we could do things like shopping and train riding and playing board games.  I guess I didn’t like kids before because I didn’t feel close to any.  Now I enjoy them, even babies, and feel the need to sqeeze each of my friends’ little munchkins any time I can get my hands on them.  I even became an elementary school teacher, and guess what?  There are 8 year olds that are actually super awesome and that I have great conversations with!  Like, I would even hang out with some of them for fun!  I used to hate kids, but it’s not who I am anymore.  

Finally, I used to think that there was no such thing as commitment before marriage.  I thought I could date whomever I darn well pleased, whenever I wanted to and came to expect the same treatment in return.  If I wasn’t married, I was single.  I took that literally.  That was until the day my heart filled with so much love and awe for this one guy, who is kind of my perfect other half.  I suddenly had zero desire to hang out with anybody else, to look at anybody else, or even imagine myself with anybody else, and the feeling has stuck for 4 years now.  I didn’t believe in love, and now I’m so in love that I can’t believe it.  So, I used to be untamed, but that’s not who I am anymore.  

I could go on... but I’d prob have to divide it into chapters if I did, so I’ll cut it out there.  Are you the person you’ve always been, or are there major beliefs or interests that have changed?  I wonder who I will be in 5 years.... hmmm..... 

Dateless in Dallas

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12 comments:

  1. Great post! I am only 25 but even now I realize I am not the same person who I was in my early twenties. I look at life completely different, things that used to be important to me, aren't anymore (and vice versa). I guess it is all a part of growing up. Nothing wrong with it. Just means people change and change is always a good thing :) You seem to enjoy your life now and that is all that matters!
    whatagloriousday.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks, I am! You'll be surprised how much you change in the next few years too!

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  2. This is a great post - a good reminder that we never know where life will take us or how it will change us! I've certainly changed a lot in the last 10 years!!

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  3. This is a great post! People definitely change and evolve throughout their whole lives and it's definitely a good thing and each part of life is a learning experience :)

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    1. Agree, it's weird to wonder where my priorities will be next!

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  4. This is all too true, how much we change in just a few years. That really one of my favorite things about blogging and journaling. All the history and seeing how much I've changed.

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    1. I'm sure! I just started my blog less than a year ago. If I can keep it up, it will be funny to look back on old times!

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  5. I totally agree with you! It's so funny how much things change in just a short amount of time ;-)

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  6. I really like and resonate with this post! Especially the part about kids- the majority of my life, I always said I hated them- boy has that changed now!

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  7. Great post, very insightful. I think it's so important to take that time to reflect on yourself and who you are. You have given me something to think about.

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  8. I know how you feel. I look back at my younger self and, in comparison with who I am now, I think I'm completely different. The issue I have started to have is old friends/family thinking I'm the same person and having a really hard time discovering I'm not. Change isn't comfortable for everyone, but I think I've become better. It sounds like you have too. Loved this post!

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