This New Years Eve kinda stunk. Nothing bad happened, but for whatever reason I was in a mood of all moods and it truly took everything in me to push through the entire night. It could have been due to the fact that my long break from work was about to end. Or perhaps I was still grieving over having to take down all of the Christmas decorations the day before. But I surely would have stayed in my sweatpants on my own couch if it weren’t for the fact that it was New Years Eve and I needed something to write about.
I had bought this new dress for the night. I loved it. It was sparkly on top and flowing on the bottom. I was trying it on and made the mistake of asking the fiance what he thought. “It’s not my favorite,” he says. Really? Not my favorite? Well I certainly can’t wear it now and what the heck kind of backup do I have?? So I proceed to try on every single article of clothing I own only to settle on something I felt frumpy in. I’m still praying to God that this is not some sort of horrible fashion karma that will haunt me throughout 2014, but it certainly was not a good way to start.
As the night went on, and people were toasting to a new year and a fresh start, I started feeling a little emotional... in a sad way. I thought I would be so excited about this new year. After all, I am getting married this year! But instead, I felt like it was an ending. 2013 was such an awesome, amazing year, and theres a part of me that fears that it will never be topped. I celebrated my first year of home ownership, my first full year in my 30s, and the absolute love of my life gave me this amazing diamond ring. I went on great trips with old friends and made some great new friends too. So when I hear everyone talking about how a new year is your chance for a fresh start, I simply don’t want one. I want things to keep going the way they are, which is perfectly.
I didn’t take a single picture on New Years Eve. I’m treating it like any other day. To me, January 1st is just another date this year, and I am still in the middle of the most amazing year of life.