Libras should not be allowed to plan a wedding. Seriously, I am so up and down, in and out, unsure of what I really want to get into and am driving my fiance up the freaking wall. I feel really bad, but I cannot stop my indecisive nature. It’s been ingrained in me my whole life.
One minute I want a traditional church ceremony followed by a reception, and the next I am gung ho about privately going the courthouse. I’m not even sure what things are the most important to me. Do I really want a dress? Do I care if a priest marries us? You’d think I’d at least know something at this point. Especially being that girl who’s wanted to be married for the past ten years now.
Yet I still find myself going back and forth on every single thing that I can possibly debate. And at the end of the day, I’m unsure if I even want a wedding. (Note: I said wedding. Not marriage! The marriage I am sure of!)
The first thing that causes me to second guess every pang of excitement is probably a normal one: the budget. Ours is basically zero. We have no savings and nobody particularly donating to the cause, so it really comes down to what is possible in a years time and how much debt we are willing to accumulate. There are two schools of thought going through my head. One says this is possibly the most memorable day of my life and it will only happen once, so make it special. The other says, it’s only a day! It’s the marriage, the lifetime we will experience together, that I am most excited about and the wedding day itself will be over in a flash regardless of what is going on. Flip, flop... what to do?
Next, bridal party or no? I honestly never thought I’d have one, mainly because I don’t want to torture anybody and just want them to be able to enjoy the event on their own terms. But somewhere inside I’m second guessing myself. Am I going to regret not having bridesmaids? Would I be missing out on some grand experience of getting ready with a bunch of other girls and sipping mimosas in matching loungewear? Will I say to myself “man, I really wish I had a picture of my dress on the hanger and my shoes on the floor”? It seems so silly, but I just don’t know. Flip, flop, flip, flop.... here we go again.
Last, I have age phobia. I sometimes feel like I’m too old to be having a big wedding. I even question if I should really be wearing a white dress. Certainly this plays into the bridal party questions of should grown women outside of high school spirit days be caught dead in matching outfits? I know that these thoughts are irrational. I logically know this, but I can’t stop thinking it. Flip, flop.... my brain may just explode.
So, I need to know from former brides, did you have a big wedding or a small one? If you did it again, what would you change? Did you wake up the next day with buyers remorse? Or were you basking in the best day of your life and know that it was worth every penny?